“Hey, I know this is kind of weird, but before we head out, I need to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay? Sure, I guess. What about?”

“Been reading stuff on the Internet. Scary shit, just gotta make sure. So you’re a guy right?”

“What? You’ve known me for three years. How could you not know I’m a guy?”

“Just gotta make sure you’re not like…a girl who thinks she’s a guy, or guy who’s actually a girl, or whatever. And you like girls right? Girls girls, not like guy girls, or girly guys or whatever.”

“The hell have you been reading on the Internet?”

“News and shit, the usual. It’s not important, but you like girls, and just girls right?”

“I’m married to Susan, you were at the wedding.”

“And Susan is a girl. A girl girl, not a guy girl.”

“Yes. You know, I don’t think-“

“Great. Now, I know Susan isn’t…um…white. But, how long has her family been in the country?”

“What the hell? Why that does that matter?”

“I’m just trying to protect us from ‘them,’ you know. We gotta stick together, watch out for each other. You never know with ‘them.'”

“Susan has a mixed heritage and a lot of her family is been here longer than your family.”

“Okay, cool. I guess she gets a pass then. Great, we can still be friends.”

“No, I’m pretty sure we can’t.”