Ben Hsu

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Clearing Up Confusion

I’m warning you all that I’m writing this in anger. Normally, I try to avoid doing things in anger but: 1. The current political climate has pretty much made me constantly angry. 2. I need to vent. 3. This is my blog so I can do what I want.

If you haven’t heard yet, ScarJo has recently gotten the role of a transman, based on a real life person, Dante Gill. Aside from all the usual reasons this pisses me off (including, but not limited to, her callous response to criticism, the fact that she’s done shit like this before, and media seems to think it’s okay to do this regularly) what really gets me is the language being used to talk about Dante Gill. Go ahead and read the obituary and the more recent article, notice anything odd about how the writers are referring to Gill? He’s always being referred to as ‘she’, ‘woman’, or the almost but not really correct, but hey at least they kind of trying ‘woman who identifies as a man.’

Okay, look you arrogant Hollywood fucks, I’ll break it down for you really simply. If Dante Gill was a transman (as all your articles seem to claim) then his gender was male. His pronoun is ‘he/his/him.’ You may make allusions to his biological gender if you are informative and respectful; not if you want to parade it around like some weird circus act, as you seem to be doing now. P.T. Barnum died back in the 1890’s and I suggest you go find him and join him if you want to continue his exploitive practices. People will let you know their gender and pronoun. If this is still confusing to you, don’t worry, I think I have a solution that should solve this for everyone!

Since modern culture seems intend on assign people gender with or without their consent, I think we can solve all our problems by creating a new gender: Shitheel. Now, the shitheel gender is a little bit odd in that it doesn’t have its basis in the biological field like the traditional male and female genders. Instead, like all modern genders, its characteristics are mostly based in behavior, attitudes and expectations. The characteristics of the shitheel gender are as follows:

1.Complete inability or unwillingness to understand or accept other people’s viewpoints.

2. Continually engaging in behaviors that are insulting, demeaning, or derogatory to others.

3. Defending such behavior with illogical, irrational, or otherwise inappropriate statements/acts.

4. An unfounded feeling of superiority over those they are interacting with.

5. General callousness toward their fellow humans, ranging from a simple lack of empathy to engaging in outright cruelty. In extreme cases someone of the shitheel gender will actually derive pleasure from harming other humans (either directly or indirectly).

If someone is displaying four or five of these characteristics then they will be assigned the gender ‘shitheel’ (which, by the way, uses the pronouns: shit/shits). I expect there will be some complaints from those who are suddenly assigned this new gender. Probably they’ll say things like, “I’m not shitheel. I’m a guy.” I hear and understand your complaints. All I have to say is: Shut up ya shitheel. I’m gender fluid and you keep insisting I’m male. Just be happy with your god given gender. Besides, it’s not actually a bad thing. As a shitheel you don’t have to try to be politically correct, or even pay attention to astoundingly confusing minefield of asking someone what their pronoun is. Instead, you can just proudly declare, “I’m gender shitheel!” and the rest of us will automatically assume anything coming out of your mouth is going to be ignorant, bigoted, and moronic.

So really, the articles should be boasting headlines like, “Scarlett Johansson, Shitheel Actor, to Play Transman.” At this point the rest of us can nod to each, knowing this movie is going to be an insensitive, insulting clusterfuck, but hey what are you going to do? Shitheels will be shitheels.

Blog · Essay · LGBTQ · Nonfiction

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